


Save Her

by karog



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Sad Ending, Smut, Swearing, Two Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karog/pseuds/karog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After defeating Corypheus, the Commander and the Inquisitor finally have a moment to breathe and enjoy each other's company. Unfortunately, the moment passes quickly as they find out the Inquisitor's life is in danger again.<br/>Will they manage to save her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He tracked down each and every scar on her body, caressing and kissing them softly. He adored the way his touch influenced her, causing goosebumps and gentle trembling each time his fingers were on her skin. She was laying in their bed completely naked. He admired her beauty, her long, golden hair, emerald eyes, her lips, which were always so keen to join his, her ideal body along with every scar of which she was so ashamed. Just perfect. Pure image of perfectness. 

“What are you thinking about, Commander?” she asked, deliberately using his title as she always did when she wanted to tease him. 

“About you of course, my love” he answered, kissing her shoulder. 

“Well, this definitely would be a correct answer if you were looking for a way to bed me” she said giggling and it made his heart melt. Her laughter was one of many things that he was crazy about in her. “What were you really thinking about? You looked concerned…” she continued, cupping his face. 

He marveled at her for just a minute longer and then said “I was thinking about you. About how wonderful you are, and how lucky I must be to have you here, by my side” he kissed her belly and it made her shiver under his touch. He knew perfectly that was her soft spot. “I also think about the fact that you no longer go to any dangerous missions now that Corypheus is gone. And I feel relieved” he planted a kiss on her cheek, his stubble scratching her face. “Relieved that you will no longer be in danger of gaining more scars…” 

The moment he said that he knew it went out wrong. It sounded much better in his head. He noticed a shadow of shame appearing on her face as she tried to cover bigger scars with her hands. 

_Why does it always sound better in my head?!_

“Zoe” he said, putting his hands on her cheeks and forcing her to turn her eyes to him “What I meant is that you’re safe and it’s all that matters to me now. You are perfect and I love you, you know that, right?” 

She gave him a weak smile and he just knew she wasn’t convinced. She never was. It took so much effort from his part to ensure she’d stop calling herself ugly even while joking. Oh, the joking was the worst part. It was her way of dealing with pain and shame. 

He gently pulled her hands away from her scars and placed them on his chest. 

“Zoe, you _are_ beautiful” he said and as she felt his heart beat, she relaxed and chuckled. 

“Cullen, you are unbelievable. You just make me fall in love with you more and more with each passing minute.” 

He smiled at her and then kissed her lips. “That’s my goal” he just whispered and embraced her. 

“We should probably get up now” Zoe spoke up after a couple of minutes. “You know, duties, responsibilities, the Commander and the Inquisitor’s stuff…” 

“I know” he sighed with regret. 

“Don’t worry” she said as she sat up and started putting on her clothes. “I’ll meet you at dinner?” 

“Of course, Inquisitor” he answered in an attempt to catch her attention and pull her in to bed for just a little bit longer but she wasn’t the one to be fooled. 

“At ease, Commander” she sent him a playful grin and stood up. “Come on, rise and shine, a new day has come and so on… We should really get to work, it’s getting late” 

He let his eyes linger for a bit at the curves of her body, sighed heavily and started dressing. 

“I wish we had at least one day in a week just for ourselves” he complained “One might think that with Corypheus gone, the Inquisition could slow down for a while…” 

She laughed loudly at his words putting her hand to her lips. Oh, how he loved when she did it, she looked so lovely. 

“You know, I am pretty sure you don’t really mean it!” she exclaimed, still laughing “You love being busy!” 

At her words, he grabbed her waist and pulled her into his arms. He caressed her back and then he grabbed her bottom. 

“I can think of other things to keep myself busy right now” he murmured and proceeded to unbutton her shirt. 

“Is that so?” she asked playfully and started kissing his neck. 

“Inquisitor? Are you awake?” they heard a guard’s voice coming through the closed door. Cullen groaned with disappointment and irritation. “Inquisitor? Lady Ambassador requested your presence. She said it’s urgent” 

Zoe rolled her eyes at the thought of spending her day dealing with nobles again. 

“I’m coming right up, thank you!” she shouted and with deep regret in her eyes turned around to reach the door. “You know, Cullen, I really start missing those missions you mentioned. Are there any dragons left?” she said smiling at her Commander’s shocked face and quickly went out to avoid his reproaches. 

He just sat there for a minute and shook his head, having hard times believing she’d really said that. In the end, he just broke into a smile and thanked the Maker once again she’d survived everything she went through. 

\--- 

He looked at the pile of reports that mounted on his desk and wondered how they’re always there and never seem to disappear. With a heavy feeling on his mind, he started looking through them, sipping tea from his mug. After some time, he realized he’d became stiff as he felt his neck hurt and decided to go out to get some fresh air. However, he felt a twinge of guilt when he noticed the pile didn't go down so he grabbed a report from the top and quickly went out of his office. 

The sun was shining brightly and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It was relieving to know he no longer had to constantly worry about Zoe’s safety. Well, of course he worried a little, with the Inquisition becoming so powerful there were always some risks she faced every day but nothing as serious and deadly as an ancient Darkspawn Magister with sick aspirations to become a god. He smiled, which he started doing more often as Zoe had pointed out earlier and looked down around the yard. It was crowded as always. People rushing from one point to another, merchants trading their goods, soldiers watching over people’s safety… but it all seemed quiet and calm. Nobody feared the end of the world anymore and it was all thanks to his Zoe.  


He immediately spotted her in the crowd. Her golden hair always made her stand out. In a positive way, of course, but she never understood how he could like them. She called them ‘hay’ and sometimes demonstrated their unruliness to him by showing how tangled her hair might get when they woke up in the morning. 

He repressed the need of simply running to her. They would meet in the afternoon and now she was surrounded by people with whom she probably had some dealings, she was busy anyway. 

As was he.

Cullen ripped the seal of the report and took out a note. He looked at the hand-writing and was a bit surprised to recognize it immediately. It was Leliana’s. When she became a new Divine, nobody was really surprised. Zoe supported her as a candidate and it had an immense impact on the decision. Nevertheless, the Inquisition felt strange without her and they all missed their spymaster. 

But at that moment, her letter felt even stranger in his hands. He had absolutely no idea what she wanted from him as she never wrote before. 

The content of her letter made his heart skip a beat.  
_  
Commander Cullen,_

_I am afraid I must inform you about some unpleasant and rather urgent information I’ve acquired recently. There is a secret organization that has recently become known in some circles that claims the Inquisitor to be a usurper. They accuse her of blasphemy, as many people still refer to her as the Herald of Andraste. They actually go as far as to say that she didn’t really defeat Corypheus. They state that it was her who created Corypheus in the first place to kill him later in order to gain power and influence. Normally, I wouldn’t worry about these ridiculous accusations; however, they seem to be extreme in their beliefs and growing in numbers. Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to find out anything more about them but I will keep you informed._

_In other words: Cullen, Zoe is in danger. Make sure she’s safe and always guarded, the threat is serious. She’s my dear friend and I care about her well-being. I know how much she’d hate the idea of having personal guards and that is why I’m telling you first. I’m certain you’ll know how to convince her._

_Keep your eyes open._

_Leliana_

Cullen had to read the letter three times to allow the information fully reach his mind. Secret organization? It seemed so unbelievable, so difficult to grasp… He actually didn’t _want_ to believe it. They were happy, for the first time in their lives they were genuinely happy. And now this? 

_Maker… will we ever be at peace?_

He read the letter one last time and let out a heavy sigh. Zoe was in danger. He needed to inform everybody, to let them know they should be on guard, watch her carefully and protect her. 

He needed to inform _her._ And he knew it wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation. 

\--- 

“Absolutely not” she said firmly and crossed her arms. 

“Zoe, it’s for your own safety” he tried reasoning with her although he knew it was pointless. She was so stubborn sometimes that he couldn’t even imagine a more headstrong person… well, maybe apart from himself. 

“Come on, Princess” Varric spoke up, turning to Zoe “You know it’s for your own good, right?” 

They all gathered in the War Room. They actually stopped being at war but nobody bothered to change the chamber’s name so it’s somehow stuck there. 

Bull was standing in the corner with his arms crossed, Dorian sat on the chair next to him in a similar position. Sera was sitting on the table cross-legged and playing nervously with something she held in her hands. Cassandra was pacing nervously around the room and Cole just stood in a remote corner, contemplating something silently. Josephine stood by Cullen’s side with her inseparable notepad. 

They all looked at her with concern. 

“No!” she screamed, turning her back on them. “I am not helpless, I can handle myself and I most certainly do not need a babysitter!” 

Cullen rubbed his neck and closed his eyes trying to concentrate. He expected her reaction, it didn’t come as a surprise to him. He just wished there was a way to convince her somehow. 

“Well, technically, that would be an Inquisisitter...” Varric said playfully and Cassandra snorted at him. 

“Inquisitor, you must understand the urgency of the situation” Josephine tried, trying to make her voice sound as professional as possible “The Inquisition cannot afford to put its leader in danger and we must ensure you are not harmed…” 

“Well, that’s something new, isn’t it?” Zoe said viciously “You didn’t seem to care when I was sent to fight Corypheus” 

They all went silent and looked down as they realized she was right and didn’t know how to counter it. 

Cullen thought his heart was going to explode. Her words were enough to make all his guilt come alive. It’s true, he sent her to her final battle, he sent her there knowing there was a possibility she wouldn’t come back… and he was never going to forgive himself for that. Also, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. 

“Surely, you must understand” Josephine said silently “it was a different situation…” 

“I know, Josephine” Zoe interrupted turning around to look at them with apology in her eyes “I am sorry, I didn’t mean what I said, it was mean and inappropriate. I don’t even think this way, I’m just…” she stumbled upon her words as if she was wondering what she was supposed to say. “I’m just tired of being treated like a little girl. You know I can protect myself, you all know it” 

“Of course we know it, dear” Dorian suddenly said “But I’m sure you can make this small sacrifice to please your best friends, can’t you?” 

“I don’t need personal guards, Dorian” she ground out. “You hear gossips about some secret organizations and start panicking, it’s pointless” she started spitting out the words fast “We don’t even know if they’re true…” 

“Leliana sent the information” Cassandra interrupted her harshly “If she believes them, I believe them, too” 

“You are afraid” Cole spoke up silently and everybody looked at him. Zoe narrowed her eyes in anger. “You are afraid but you don’t have to. You want them to see you as responsible, self-reliant. They do. But they worry, it can help them” 

After a couple of silent minutes, Cullen felt it was his turn to finally say something. “Zoe…” he started but when he met fury in her eyes, he decided to do it in private. 

“Can we please have moment?” he turned to his friends and everybody, even if reluctantly, left the room, leaving Cullen and Zoe alone. 

“Cullen, don’t even start. You know I hate the idea, I don’t even believe the rumors, it’s ridiculous…” 

“Zoe” he interrupted her, his voice silent and sad “Please… Can you please do it for me?” 

“For you?” she repeated surprised. 

He approached her and cupped her face, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. 

“I love you” he said “And I can’t stand the thought of even a mere possibility of losing you. Not again…”  
“Cullen…” she started but didn’t finish. She looked into his eyes and sighed heavily. “All right” she finally said “I agree. For now.” 

He smiled at her weakly, trying to remember what it was like to be able not to worry about her safety for the short time of peace they had been given. It was painful to feel anxious and nervous again. 

“Thank you” he just said and kissed her.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since Cullen received the letter and everything seemed to be quiet and normal. No unexpected attacks, no rumors, no rebellious uprisings… nothing, just silence. And Cullen wasn’t entirely sure whether he was more concerned or calm about it. 

He assigned his best men to assist Zoe in her daily responsibilities and observe her, keep her safe. They were taking shifts, some of them working in the morning, some in the evening, but she always had someone beside her, like two shadows lingering in the corner, ready to strike if needed. Cullen would give everything to be able to protect her at every minute but with his duties as Commander it was impossible. However, he felt less stressed, knowing she had her own guards. 

Zoe, on the other hand, hated it wholeheartedly. She always seemed to be in a bad mood, they were arguing almost every night about her companions. 

“This is ridiculous! Perhaps they should guard me when I take a bath, too? Would that satisfy you?” she asked viciously last night when they were getting ready to sleep. His face went all red when she exclaimed her question but he decided not to say anything. She’d already been terribly angry, there was no point in making it worse. “They follow me everywhere, like lost puppies, seriously, I don’t need them. They just get on my nerves.” Cullen knew she was exaggerating. His soldiers received strict orders not to disturb the Inquisitor in any way. “It’s like having someone watching you constantly, it’s extremely unnerving. People stare at me all the time. I hate that you all treat me like a helpless girl who wouldn’t know how to defend herself” she spat the words out fast and Cullen knew she needed to let them out as she kept up appearances in front of others. Even if her words were spiteful, he felt somewhat contented that she only revealed her true feelings in front of him. “Andraste’s tits, I killed dragons! Dragons! And you all think I wouldn’t know how to deal with some stupid assassins! And we are not even sure they exist at all” she snorted and took a deep breath. While she was talking, he made their bed and poured wine into their glasses. When he sensed the break in her speech, he handed her a glass. 

“You look beautiful” he said. He always said that, it was their routine. She constantly needed to be reminded that she was the most beautiful person in the world. At least for him, but it was enough. She gave him a weak smile. 

“Cullen, can’t we quit the idea of personal guards?” she pleaded once again “I’m perfectly fine on my own, you know that. Leliana hasn’t written, our spies haven’t found out anything new, nothing extraordinary has happened. This secret organization, whatever its name is, it probably doesn’t even exist” 

He cupped her face and gently kissed her lips. “Just a little bit longer, all right?” he said and took a sip from his glass. She did the same but then she suddenly started complaining again “People will laugh at me, you’ll see. The Inquisitor who cannot defend herself? That’s worth a laugh, don’t you think?” she turned to her vicious tone again and Cullen sighed. If enduring all her complaints every night was the price for her safety, it was a price he was more than willing to pay. 

He put away their drinks and turned to Zoe. He grabbed her waist and pulled her strongly into his arms. 

“Cullen, I…” she started but he closed her mouth with his lips. He kissed her and it was a long and passionate kiss. The kiss that would always end up in their bed. His hands were everywhere on her body and then he pulled her up. She moaned silently and it immediately turned him on. 

“Zoe” he whispered to her ear and felt her tremor. She always did it when he called her name. After the time they spent together, he knew exactly how she reacted to his touch. How she trembled when he kissed her belly, scratching it with his stubble. How she shivered with arousal when he licked her, moving lower and lower. How she moaned when he entered her and made love to her. How at the end she would always crawl into his arms and embrace him strongly, hiding her face in his neck. 

“I love you” he said. He repeated the sentence so many times that he couldn’t even begin to count but it has never lost its meaning. He felt his love growing for her each and every day. 

He wanted to be caught in this moment forever. 

\--- 

“Commander, there you are!” Cullen heard Dorian’s voice reaching him from the door. He wondered a bit why the mage seemed to be surprised to find him in his office, as it was his usual place at this hour but decided that it probably meant nothing. It was just Dorian’s way of being. 

“I’ve been looking all over for you” Dorian continued and Cullen smirked, knowing that it probably was the first place his friend would look for him, so his search wasn’t really that long. “Busy? Oh, why should I ask, you always are busy, aren’t you? Care for a game of chess?” 

Cullen was really tempted with his offer but he knew he just couldn’t afford it at that moment. There was so much work to do and it was supposed to be finished by tomorrow. If he went with Dorian now, it would mean having to stay late in the evening, which would also mean sacrificing the time meant for Zoe. Well, the choice was simple. 

“Sorry, Dorian” Cullen responded. “I can’t right now. Maybe tomorrow?” he asked, knowing that the next day was supposed to be less busy. 

“I understand” Dorian answered but didn’t turn around to leave and Cullen looked at him expectantly. 

“Was there anything you wanted to ask?” he finally said, encouraging Dorian to reveal the true meaning of his visit. 

“Well, I’m so glad you asked” Dorian said and Cullen smirked again. It was so typical… “I wanted to ask you if you had any news on the threat to our dear Inquisitor?” 

“No, nothing” he answered, feeling that his visit might have been related with Zoe visiting her mage friend earlier. Would she sent Dorian to convince Cullen to let off the guards from her side? 

_Impossible._ He thought immediately. _She knows I’m not going to agree._

“Don’t you think it’s rather strange? I mean, first there is a letter stating that it’s urgent and then, suddenly, nothing?” Dorian spoke up, sounding as if he was thinking out loud. 

“It may be” Cullen admitted “but we may as well receive news any minute now. We have to be careful” he continued, giving Dorian a suspicious look. “Dorian, did Zoe ask you to come here?” 

“What?” the mage looked surprised “Of course not, don’t be silly, Commander.” He seemed to be telling the truth, so Cullen believed him. “She’s probably constantly plaguing you about those guards, isn’t she?” 

“Maker, yes” Cullen answered, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Don’t worry, she complains to all one of us” Dorian said, rolling his eyes “I’ve actually started avoiding her… I don’t know how you put up with all her whining…” 

Cullen grinned and when Dorian saw it, he added “Oh, right, she probably compensates you at night, I almost forgot” 

Cullen’s face turned red and he glared at his friend. 

“Right, right, sorry, you’re busy. I won’t bother you” Dorian said, seeing the Commander’s serious expression and quickly went out of the chamber but left the door unlocked. 

Cullen groaned at the sight and stood up. He just hated when Dorian didn’t close his door and he would always do that, even though Cullen told him about it thousands of times. When Cullen got to the door and felt the warm rays of sunlight, he decided to make a short break anyway. He walked out of his office and breathed deeply. 

The day was beautiful and not even the horrifying amount of work was going to destroy it. 

Just like a couple of days ago, he looked around the yard and noticed Zoe’s golden waves. She was moving to the other side of Skyhold but she has already been surrounded by all sorts of people. Everybody greeted her, smiled at her and gave her kind words. And she wasn’t indifferent. Always stopping for a minute or two to chat with people who wanted to speak with her, always ready to give them some kind of advice or consolation. Cullen felt the unspeakable feeling of joy filling him, knowing that she was _his._

“Commander, sir!” he heard the voice of one of his soldiers and it made him go back to reality. 

_To work._ He thought regretfully. 

“At ease, soldier” he spoke “What is it?” 

“A message for you. It’s said to be urgent” the soldier said handing the Commander an envelope. Cullen’s heart skipped a beat. Urgent. Maybe finally someone got to know something important about the threat that laid upon Zoe? 

“Thank you” Cullen answered, quickly taking the envelope “Dismissed” he added quickly and opened the letter. 

It was short and written carelessly, as if in a hurry. And it made his heart stop for a second.  
_  
Cullen,_

_The threat is real. They are in Skyhold already. I’m on my way to you. Keep her safe._

_Leliana_  
  
Here? In Skyhold? How was that possible? Who are they anyway? How did they manage to hole up here, with soldiers, sentinels and guards everywhere? 

Suddenly, there were so many questions in his head, begging for giving them an answer… He felt he couldn’t think clearly with so many unknowns. But there was also one thought that screamed louder than any other. 

_Keep her safe._

He turned his eyes to Zoe again but he saw something he didn’t want to see even in his worst nightmares. 

He saw Zoe bending over to some elven woman as if she wanted to hear what she had to say. 

He saw the elf spiking Zoe with her dagger as he heard a petrifying scream of people who were present in the yard. 

He saw Zoe collapsing to the ground, holding her belly, trying to stop the bleeding. 

Suddenly, he felt he could move again and ran to her as quickly as he could. 

“No, no, no…” he mumbled as he reached her body. “Maker, no, please, no, don’t die…”


	3. Chapter 3

"HEALERS! Where are the healers?!" he screamed, kneeing beside her, holding her tightly and looking around. 

There was a massive commotion as everybody started gathering around them, trying to have a look at what was going on. 

"Commander..." one of the soldiers approached him. The one that was supposed to protect her. "The Inquisitor... we didn't... we couldn't..." 

"Later! Bring the healers!" Cullen just shouted frantically and the soldier turned around and quickly ran to another building. 

"C-Cullen..." Zoe whispered. 

She was holding her belly from which a dagger was sticking. Bleeeding profusely, she began to look pale. She was desperetaly gasping for air, gripping thightly Cullen's hand and focusing her eyes on him. 

"Hush, Zoe..." he said, cupping her face. "It'll be all right, do you hear me? You'll make it, you'll be fine" he repeated as if his words were enough to save her. 

"It h-hurts so much..." she panted with effort. 

"I know, I know but the healers are on their way, you'll see, it'll stop soon, I promise" he reassured not being entirely sure whether he wanted to make her or himself believe it. "You'll see, Zoe, it'll be fine. Just stay with me, all right?" he continued, his voice trembling. 

"I guess you were right" she said, wincing as another wave of pain rushed through her body. "I couldn't defend myself." 

"Don't say that, love. You are strong, you'll get through this, you will." 

He didn't see people gathering around them. He didn't hear their whispers, their screams, their wailing. He focused completely on Zoe, on the woman he loved more than anything in the world, as if he could save her merely with his concentration. His mind was filled with only one thought. 

_Maker, let her live, I beg you._

Suddenly, he felt she loosened her grip on his hand and his heart skipped a beat. 

"Cullen?" her whisper was barely audible. He bent to hear her better, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. "I love you" she exhaled and closed her eyes. 

"No!" he shouted, barely noticing her confession "No, no, no" he shook her body, hoping to wake her "Zoe, you stay with me, do you hear me?!" 

He couldn't feel anything but despair. _She can't die, not like that. It wasn't supposed to be like that, no..._

"Commander, you have to let the healers take care of her" suddenly, these words reached his ears and absent-mindedly he looked for the source of them. He noticed Dorian bending over to him, his hand placed gently on Cullen's shoulder . Right, Dorian. He'd just been to his office, hadn't he?

"She'll be all right, you have to let go" the mage spoke again and Cullen lowered his gaze to his hand, which was still holding Zoe's hand firmly. Then, he looked around and noticed the healers, who were already doing their magic over Zoe's body, were observing him worryingly. He let her hand and with Dorian's help he stood up. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Commander, he needed to be the Commander now. 

"Disperse!" he said in a loud voice "It's not a stage, there's nothing here to see. You need to make place for the healers to do their job!" 

Although his voice was firm and strong, only a few people listened to him, rest of them still staring impertinently at Zoe. Cullen summoned his soldiers who were standing nearby and ordered them to take care of the crowd. Then, he approached two men who were standing a bit further, their faces pale and heads lowered. Men who were supposed to keep Zoe safe. 

"Report" Cullen said and if words could kill, these two would have been laying on the ground lifelessly. 

"C-Commander..." one of them spoke up but then he stopped, as if he didn't know exactly which words he was supposed to use. 

"I said: report" Cullen's voice was full of venom. He wanted to rip the men apart. He trusted them with Zoe's safety which was the most important thing in the world. He trusted them and they failed. He wanted to see them suffer.  


"We followed her as ordered" the other man spoke up, unable to look into his Commander's eyes. "We watched for dangers but..." 

"But somehow you missed an old elven woman, right?!" he ground out, pinning them with his eyes. 

"We didn't expect... It was..." the first man tried to help his friend but he ended up staring at his hands helplessly. 

"Commander" Cullen heard a familiar voice behind him and turned around to face Dorian, looking at him with worry "I saw the whole situation and I can witness it was impossible to predict the attack in such a situation. The soldiers bear no guilt in what happened" 

Cullen closed his eyes and tried to think clearly but it was extremely difficult, knowing that Zoe was there in pain, with this damn dagger sticking out of her body, dying... _No! Not dying, she'll live._

Commander breathed deeply and tried focusing again on the situation. He realized Dorian was right. He was in no position to blame her personal guards because at the moment of the unexpected attack he was there, too. He, just like the soldiers standing behind him, didn't expect the attack to come. He turned again to face the men awaiting their Commander's verdict. 

"Did you catch the attacker?" he just asked. 

"Yes, sir!" the second man said firmly, looking as if he was relieved to be able to give a satisying answer to his superior "She's already locked in the cell!" 

"Dismissed" Cullen said and the men walked away as quickly as possible. 

"Cullen" Dorian spoke up again, this time in a completely different tone "She's going to be all right" his voice never sounded like this and Cullen felt shivers going down his spine. If the situation made Dorian quit his usual feisty disposition...  


"How do you know?" Cullen asked sharply, quickly regretting his behavior. Dorian wasn't guilty, he tried to help him. 

"I just know" Dorian said, seemingly not paying attention to Cullen's harsh tone "Come, let's check on her. I bet she's already healed completely" he reassured, trying to sound lightly as ever. 

He followed Dorian blindly, not noticing people running around frantically, not paying attention to their words, asking him about the Inquisitor's well-being, not bothering to stop for even a second to answer them, to reassure them it was going to be all right.  


"Wait here" he heard Dorian's words and stopped in front of the door to infirmary. "I'll go and find out what's going on" 

And Cullen stood there, waiting impatiently for his friend's return, anxiety growing in him. Minutes passed as if they were hours. _She can't die, she just can't... it wouldn't be fair._ He remembered their discussions, Zoe's and his, about their future. They used to imagine they would always be together. With Corypheus gone, they wouldn't have to worry about what was going to happen. Oh, they were so foolish to think it would be all right. There were talks about starting a family which got him the idea of finally proposing. He knew Zoe waited for his big question to pop out, he even bought a ring, it's just... there never was a proper time to do it. Their duties towards the Inquisition always seemed to be more important. Cullen let out a bitter laugh as he thought that right now nothing seemed more important than Zoe's life. He would turn away everything, the Inquisition, their army, their alliances, their influence.... everything to be sure Zoe was going to live. 

Suddenly, the door opened and he saw Dorian and one of the healers coming out of the infirmary. 

"How is she?" he asked quickly "Is she going to make it?" 

"We..." the woman started but stumbled upon her words, looking helplessly at the Commander. He felt his heart froze. _Was she...?_

"She lives" Dorian said quickly, seeing Cullen's panic growing fast. 

"Yes, yes, she lives" the healer reassured. But she still sounded worried instead of relieved. "But the dagger... It was poisoned" she said, as if she wanted to give out the information as quickly as possible "And the poison..." she continued, focusing on the Commander, checking if he still listened "It is unknown to us. It seems to be spreading and we know no way to stop it" 

Cullen could swear his heart stopped beating at that moment. 

"We've already assigned people to find out something about it..." the healer said, seeing the Commander's panic. 

"What..." Cullen spoke up, his voice cracked "What does it do?" 

"Well..." the healer started, unsure of the way she was supposed to pass the information to him "It... I'm sorry, Commander, but the news I have for you are not good" she finally admitted "the Inquisitor is in danger. We sense the poison with our magic and we know it has been strictly designed to..." she hesitated for a bit but continued "to inflict pain. It was designed to kill the victim but not at once. It's supposed to bring a long and excrutiating pain first" 

Cullen's face went white immediately and he felt nauseous. 

"A-antidote?" he asked, hope still flickering in his faint voice. 

"Unknown, Commander" the healer admitted "But, as I said, we've already assigned people to find out as much as they can about the substance, we'll do everything to keep the Inquisitor alive..." 

He couldn't listen to her anymore. He felt all his strength had abandoned him and fell down on his knees. 

"Leave us, please" he heard Dorian's voice and then some footsteps and door closing. "Cullen, we'll save her, I promise" he heard his friend's reassuring but he just wasn't sure he believed it. 

Zoe was dying and there was nothing he could do.


	4. Chapter 4

It took him a while but finally Cullen managed to get up from his knees and enter the infirmary. Dorian was with him all the time, helping him to move to Zoe's bed. 

Cullen stood beside her and couldn't choke a word. She looked as if she was in pain, in constant pain that Cullen wished so much to take away from her. He would do anything to help her, to make her stop hurting... 

He knelt and gently caressed her reddened cheeks, realizing she had an extremely high fever and her forehead was covered with sweat. He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his lips. He felt as if his heart was going to just explode with pain. He didn't even know it was possible to feel this way, it was like somebody cut his heart out and left an empty, bleeding hole. 

"Cullen" he heard Dorian's voice next to his ear. "You need to get yourself together" the mage's voice was cracked, filled with emotions he tried really hard to conceal. "If we are to save her... we need you, the Inquisition needs its Commander." 

Cullen knew his words were true. If Zoe was conscious, she would have said the same. He needed to be strong, Maker, he was supposed to be a strong and mighty warrior, always fearless, always ready to face the world. But this? It just seemed too much, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to handle it. 

"Commander" Dorian spoke up again, this time using Cullen's title, hoping it would bring him back to reality. "You have to interrogate the attacker, we have to look for an antidote, we need..." Dorian continued but Cullen interrupted him. 

"I know" he said silently but firmly "I just... I just need some time. Alone, please." 

Dorian didn't give out a single sound and simply went out of the room, leaving Cullen to his suffering. 

One of the healers approached the Commander and looked at him worryingly. 

"She has a very high fever" he said, handing him a bowl with cold water and a towel "Try to relieve it with the towel, Commander" 

He took the towel and absent-mindedly drowned it in water. Then, he started gently pushing it to Zoe's forehead and cheeks. 

Her breath was quick and shallow. She looked so... defenseless, so fragile. It made Cullen's heart shatter into thousands of little pieces. He felt hot tears falling down his face but didn't care. There was barely anybody in the infirmary and even if... it didn't matter anymore if people saw him now, weak and broken. Without Zoe it was all pointless. He couldn't imagine moving on without her. 

Suddenly, she squeezed his hand and winced. She let out a silent moan of pain. 

"Zoe..." he whispered, terrified. 

The healer said that this poison was designed to inflict pain. He saw Zoe's hurt and couldn't forgive himself for letting this happen. It was his fault, entirely his fault. He could try and blame anyone else, her guards, people who were beside her at the moment of attack, or anyone... but deep inside he knew it was his burden to carry for the rest of his life. He should have been with her, should have protected her, should have done something... She was going through immense pain because of him. She was going to... 

No. He couldn't even think that way. He would do everything to bring her back, to relieve her pain. 

He had to make it right, had to fix it. 

He stood up and approached the healer. 

"Make sure she's always watched" he said loudly "There always has to be someone by her side, is that clear?" 

"Of course, Commander" the healer answered quickly. 

"I will send guards to stand beside her bed as well, we do not know if the assassins want to strike again but if they do, this time we'll be prepared" he continued. 

"Yes, Commander" the healer repeated and seeing the Commander finished speaking to him, he approached the Inquisitor's bed. 

Cullen went out of the infirmary and turned to the War Room. 

\--- 

"It happened so quickly, I... I didn't react soon enough, but if I only saw it earlier, I would have..." Dorian said, his voice filled with panic that he finally allowed himself to feel. Back there he had to be the strong one with Cullen falling apart. But here... he just couldn't pretend anymore. 

"Kadan" Bull said, putting his big hand on the mage's shoulder "Don't blame yourself. Nobody could have expected the attack to come from a feeble elf" 

"Yeah, and that was our main mistake" Varric spoke up gloomy "We expected the most obvious thing and they just tricked us so easily..." 

"What's the point in dwelling on what we might have done differently?!" Sera exclaimed with fury "We should act now! What are we waiting for?!" 

"Calm down, Buttercup. We have to wait for some decisions" 

"Why wait?! Shite. Fuck. We have to act! She's dying there and we just what, discuss things?!" she continued irritated. She was pacing around the chamber and glaring at all of them. 

"We need a plan" said Bull "We have to have a plan to try and save Boss" 

"Try?! Shite. We are going to save her, yeah?" Sera interrupted him harshly and when they didn't answer she continued "We are! We'll find an antidote and an arsehole who ordered it and I'll put an arrow into his stupid arse!" 

They kept silent. They simply didn't know if it was possible and didn't want to keep their hopes up. 

"He won't be able to bear it, however" Dorian suddenly said silently "Cullen, I mean. If the Inquisition is to lose its leader... it's going to lose its Commander, too." 

They all lowered their heads, knowing the words were true. 

\--- 

"I want everyone from Zoe's inner circle in the War Room at dawn" Cullen said firmly, giving orders to his soldiers. "Make sure they all know about the meeting" 

"Yes, sir!" the soldier saluted and immediately proceeded to fulfill the order. 

"Cullen" Josephine spoke silently from behind him. 

"I'm going to interrogate the attacker" he continued as if he didn't hear her. He had to keep his focus, had to concentrate, had to keep himself busy... Otherwise, he would simply broke apart. "She must know something and she _will_ tell me. Leliana is on her way to Skyhold, make sure she's informed about the events" 

Josephine approached him quickly and put a hand on his arm. They were alone in the room and she didn't have to be Lady Ambassador for the moment. "It's going to be all right. We'll save her" she reassured him. 

He sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead. He had to believe her, there was no other way. He left the War Room without a word and turned to prison. 

It was time for some answers. 

\--- 

"You will tell me everything you know" he said, his voice cold as ice. He looked straight into the woman's eyes and noticed her tremble. 

She was sitting on a chair, tied to it with some rope. Cullen wondered for a moment how could such a tiny woman succeed in attacking the Inquisitor but then, he realized her posture was exactly the reason why she was able to approach Zoe. Nobody expected any danger from a middle-aged, elven woman. 

"Speak!" he screamed as he bent over to her, trying to keep in control. Maker, he wanted to just kill the woman, choke her to death, see life escaping her eyes. She was the reason why Zoe was struggling to live. 

"I will tell you nothing" she ground out viciously. 

"Oh, you will" Cullen answered, lowering his voice "If you don't tell me willingly... well, let's say we have our methods for dealing with your kind" 

The woman shook again, it was almost impossible to notice. She was afraid, but she was also determined. 

"Tell me!" he exclaimed straight into her face "Who ordered the assassination? Who do you work for?!" 

She still said nothing and Cullen felt his patience reaching its limits. 

"What is the poison you used on the Inquisitor?" he asked, clenching his fists. 

The woman smirked mischievously and turned her eyes to Cullen.

"She's going to die" she said "You'll never save her. The false Herald of Andraste will fall and people will see..." 

Her words reached his mind and he just lost it. He hit her hard, right in her face. She groaned with pain and started bleeding from her nose. Cullen breathed quickly, trying to calm himself but it was pointless. He just turned around and left the room, summoning one of his soldiers. 

"Interrogate her" he said "Take out every piece of information from her, I want to know everything she knows" he hesitated for a moment but then Zoe's face came to his memory and he added "Torture her if you must. We need to know what kind of poison she used." 

"Yes, Commander" the soldier answered, looking at his Commander with genuine fear. 

Cullen rushed to his office and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the wall and started panting. Suddenly, the roomed seemed much smaller and airless. 

He hit a woman. A tiny woman who was much weaker than him. He always thought it was impossible, he considered himself above such actions. What is more, he ordered her being tortured. But then again, the woman was hardly innocent. She wanted to kill Zoe, he had to get the information out of the elf. 

And he'd do anything to save Zoe.


	5. Chapter 5

"Cullen, there you are" he heard Leliana's worried voice when he entered the War Room again. She approached him quickly and gave him a warm hug. Cullen was a bit surprised with this display of emotions. "How is she?" she asked. 

"She's..." he started but words got stuck in his throat. A whole day passed and he felt as if it was a week at least. He got no news regarding the attacker's interrogation and he just spent the entire day checking Skyhold's defenses, looking for any signs of suspicious behavior. He did everything he could to keep himself busy, unable to go back to Zoe. He couldn't force himself to look at her weak body again. 

"We'll get them" Leliana reassured him, seeing his hesitation "And we'll find an antidote, I promise" 

"You can't know it for sure" he just answered helplessly. 

"I found out something, come" she told him and walked towards the table. He followed her, surprised Josephine wasn't with them. 

"Leliana, how did you manage to come here?" he asked suddenly "With your new role it must have been nearly impossible..." 

"I managed" she interrupted him "I couldn't stay away because I know Zoe would do the same for me. She is the Inquisitor and she always finds time for everybody who is in need. She helped me deal with Justinia's death and then she gladly accompanied me to Valence. And I fear it might have been a mistake from my part to take her with me..." she admitted lowering her head. 

"What do you mean?" Cullen asked with curiosity. 

"Has she ever told you exactly what happened there?" Leliana asked and when Cullen shook his head she continued "We met one of the sisters there, Natalie. It appeared she was just a spy, planted by Grand Cleric Victoire who was always opposing Justinia's ideas. I wanted to kill Natalie but... well, Zoe talked me out of it. I'm glad she did it, it helped me a lot but..." Leliana hesitated for a moment. "Cullen, this organization I informed you about... it's led by Victoire, she is the one to invent all those lies about the Inquisitor. She claims we... I mean, you are heretics and wants to abolish you. I don't have any reliable evidence for this but I just know it. I'm still working on finding a way to pin her but it's not easy" 

Cullen stood in front of her, trying to wrap his head around the idea. It all just seemed to be more and more unbelievable. 

"Is she..." he started, feeling puzzled "I mean, this Grand Cleric, is she a threat to you, too?" 

"Victoire wouldn't be so foolish to put her hands on the Divine, so no, I'm not in danger. For now. What she plans to do is to abolish the Inquisition first because she knows the Inquisitor approved my nomination for the Divine. With the Inquisition out of the picture, it would be much easier to get rid of me" 

There was a moment of silence between them as the feeling of guilt reached their hearts. 

"Cullen, I am so sorry but I do believe what happened to Zoe was entirely my fault" Leliana finally admitted apologetically "If I hadn't taken her to Valence, if I had killed Natalie, maybe..." 

"No" he interrupted her harshly, squeezing her arm "If anyone's to blame it's me" he said firmly "I was the one to protect her and I failed" his voice cracked and once again he felt tears welling up in his eyes. But he didn't let them fall down. 

"Well..." Leliana sighed heavily "I guess there is no point in throwing blame between us. We have to focus on saving Zoe" 

Cullen nodded and asked "Did Josephine tell you about the situation?"

"Just general pieces of information, I have just arrived" 

"Well... We have given the dagger to our specialists and they try to figure out something about the poison."

"What does it do?" Leliana asked and Cullen felt his fists clenching at the thought of Zoe wincing in pain. 

"It's designed to..." he held his breath for an instant and closed his eyes. "to kill" he finished quietly "But not immediately, it's supposed to bring pain at first. We don't know how it works, we don't know how it will affect her body... We don't know almost anything..." he finally admitted whispering. 

"I see" Leliana answered and then she asked another question "And the attacker? Did she say something?" 

"Nothing yet. I ordered people to interrogate her" _and torture, don't forget you allowed them to torture the woman._ He thought but didn't say it aloud. 

"I hope it's not Cassandra who is to interrogate" Leliana said, trying to enlighten the atmosphere a bit but she found herself unable to even smile. 

Cullen tried to snort but the sound he made resembled a sob more. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and they sighed with relief, grateful for this interruption. Cullen opened the door and when he saw one of the soldiers, trying to catch his breath, looking at his Commander with eyes opened wide, his heart froze. 

"What happened?" Cullen asked quickly. 

"The Inquisitor..." the soldier was panting, trying to choke out the words as quickly as possible "They need you in the infirmary, sir!" 

Cullen didn't bother to respond and just ran to infirmary imagining the worst and cursing himself for not spending more time by her bed. He heard Leliana rushing right behind him. 

He opened the infirmary door with a loud bang. 

"Commander! Thank the Maker you're here!" he heard one of the healers relieved exclamation. 

Cullen just looked at Zoe's bed, trying to understand what was going on. There was a commotion, at least five people gathered around her, all of them worried and tired, sweat dripping from their foreheads. And Zoe... something bad was going on with Zoe. Her body was quivering violently as the healers tried to stabilize her. 

"Commander, please, help us!" he heard one of the women shouting and he quickly ran to them. 

"What's going on?!" he asked, trying to hold Zoe still, embracing her tiny body in his firm grip. She was convulsing, wincing with pain, groaning loudly but she was still unconscious. 

"We don't know..." one of the healers admitted "She suddenly started quivering like this, it was so sudden..." she mumbled, trying to sound coherent, which was difficult as she was still trying to keep the Inquisitor's hands still. 

"If she doesn't stop, she'll reopen the wound" another woman said quickly, holding her legs firmly. 

"Maker..." he heard Leliana's terrified whisper behind him. 

Zoe's whole body was trembling fiercely as she moaned painfully. Cullen felt his heart shatter, he wanted to take the pain away but he couldn't. The feeling of helplessness was killing him. 

Suddenly, everything stopped. Zoe's body relaxed and she fell limp in his arms, her breathing still shallow and quick. 

"What was that?" Cullen asked terrified. 

"We... don't know" the healer admitted reluctantly. "We have to check if she reopened the wound, Commander, if you please..." 

Cullen quickly stood up but didn't walk away. He looked closely as the healer unwrapped Zoe's bandages. There was a silent gasp of shock coming out of every mouth in the room. Cullen held his breath when he saw Zoe's wound. He felt Leliana's fingers squeezing his arm strongly. 

"What is it?" she whispered. 

"I've... never seen anything like that" the healer admitted horrified. 

The wound reopened and blood was dripping slowly from it but it wasn't as terrifying as what was going on around the wound. There were thick, red veins originating from the wound, stretching around a large part of Zoe's stomach. Cullen spent his life as a warrior, he saw many types of injuries, he saw horrors of all sorts but this... it was something he'd never seen before and it made him feel dizzy as he realized they are quickly running out of time. 

The healers tended to the wound quickly and then wrapped it up again. 

"Commander" one of the women approached him and only then he was able to turn his gaze away from Zoe. "We do not know why this kind of seizure appeared now but we cannot eliminate the possibility of another" 

"She's very weak now" the other healer added as he began examining her. 

"What I mean to say, Commander..." the woman continued "is that we do not have much time. She might not survive another seizure like this..." 

He saw her lips moving but they were forming words he no longer understood. He rubbed his forehead trying very hard to think of any solution to the problem but there was nothing. He couldn't think of anything that would bring Zoe relief in her pain.  


"Cullen" he heard Leliana as she pulled his arm "Come, we have to talk about it with others" 

He agreed and reluctantly left the infirmary.


	6. Chapter 6

They had been arguing for so long that Cullen lost track of time. After a while, he just gave up and sat by the table, burying his face in his hands, trying very hard not to explode. The pain he felt in his chest was uncomparable to anything he'd ever felt before. As he listened to all their screaming and accusations, he felt numb. There was nothing, literally nothing he could do at that moment to help the woman he loved beyond his own life. 

Sera was the loudest one, shouting viciously that they were all cowards, hiding behind the walls. She thought the only way to solve this was to go out and find people responsible for hurting Zoe. 

"And where exactly would you start looking for them, I'm curious!" Dorian interrupted her once again, pacing around the room nervously. 

They all had their own ideas on what was the right thing to do but it just wasn't enough. It was hard to come up with anything when there were so many things they simply didn't know. Leliana had already disappeared, probably looking for a solution on her own and Cullen thought it was the most reasonable thing to do. 

"You are afraid" he suddenly heard Cole's silent voice by his ear. He looked at the boy, his vision blurry. "But they are, too. All of them. And they need you to lead them. Zoe needs you to lead" 

Cullen suddenly felt really stupid for letting the meeting get out of his hands so easily. Cole was right, he had to do something. 

"Thank you" he said silently and Cole smiled at him. 

Cullen stood up and everybody turned their eyes on him, staying silent at once and expecting him to tell them what to do. He knew how to lead, he was the Commander after all but this... he didn't even know with whom he was fighting. Some Grand Cleric he never saw? Where was she hiding? How was he supposed to strike her? All these questions swirled around his mind and suddenly he knew. It didn't matter with whom he was fighting. What mattered was who he was fighing _for._

"Sera, you go and ask your friends around. It's possible they heard something about this Gland Cleric intentions, maybe they can lead us to her" he spoke up, addressing Sera. He didn't have to say it twice. Sera might have been troublesome but when it came to Zoe she knew she had to give her best. She just nodded in a sign of agreement. 

"Dorian, do you have any friends in Tevinter? Maybe they know something about the poison, can you write to someone?" Cullen continued. 

"Well, I can hardly call them friends but yes" the mage said "I will do it immediately" 

"Cassandra and Varric, you heard what Leliana said. There are spies here, in Skyhold. I want you to keep your eyes open and look for any signs of them. If you have to interrogate someone, do it." 

Both of them looked at each other, putting away their animostites, silently agreeing to what Cullen asked them. 

"Bull, I want you to take your Chargers and make good use of your Ben-Hassrath training. Go out there and find out as much as you can. I want you to keep in constant contact with me, inform me about everything and I will also pass useful information to you if I find out anything" 

"Yes, Commander" Bull answered firmly. 

"We must not give up" Cullen said, addressing all of them "Dismissed." 

\--- 

The hour was late and Cullen felt exhausted. But he didn't intend to rest. He turned towards the infirmary. 

There were soldiers stationed at the door and they saluted when he approached him. 

"At ease" he said "Anything to report?" 

"No, sir!" the soldier answered and Cullen entered the room. There were also two soldiers stationed near her bed. Perhaps it was too much but Cullen didn't care. He wouldn't endanger Zoe's life again. There was a healer near her bed and he approached him quickly. 

"How is she?" he asked silently. 

"The same, Commander" the healer answered helplessly "But given the wound and what's originating from it, I'd say it's good news..." 

Cullen's heart clenched painfully. 

"I'll stay with her" he just said and the healer left his post. 

"If anything happens, I'll be right there" the man said, pointing to the opposite corner of the room. 

Cullen knelt beside Zoe's bed and grabbed her hand. He wanted her to look at him so badly. To look at him, yell at him for working too much, smile at him, just do anything... but she laid still, unconscious. Her breathing got somehow better, it wasn't as shallow as it was before and she wasn't wincing in pain. But she was still feverish. 

"Oh, Zoe..." he finally whispered, pulling her hands to his lips, not caring about the soliders or the healer. "Please... come back to me" he finally let his tears fall down. 

The soldiers looked away. They respected their Commander and wouldn't tell anyone in the barracks what they saw. 

The healer just glanced quickly at the Commander and felt sadness reaching his heart. The scene was definitely heartbreaking but what is more, he knew that if the woman died, the Inquisition would fall apart. He didn't want that because it was the first place in which he felt comfortable. In which nobody scowled at him for his magic. So he would do everything to keep the Inquisitor alive, he thought as he closed his eyes and drifted into the Fade. 

\--- 

Cullen stayed by Zoe's bed whole night. He couldn't force himself to go to their chamber, to lay in their bed alone. He was more than sure it would just kill him to lay there, in the sheets that still had her smell, feel her part of the bed being cold, knowing that she was here... 

His whole body was stiff as he knelt beside her, holding her hand, unable to move and change his position. But he didn't mind. He remembered how once he used to spend countless hours praying to the Maker, too afraid to sleep, begging to take the nightmares away. And he did, the Maker sent him Zoe, the woman who took away his bad dreams and brought back the light into his life. He was broken before he knew her. She fixed him. 

And now, she laid there, helpless, almost lifeless... and it was all his fault. He let that happen. Now, he was going to fix this. 

"Zoe..." his whispers were almost inaudible "Come back to me. Don't leave me, please..." he repeated the words as if it was the Chant itself. "I love you. I can't go on without you. You have to come back to me" his eyes were fixed on her face, somewhere deep down he hoped she would just open her eyes and tell him she loved him, too. 

But she didn't open her eyes. So he just stayed there and repeated the words. His own Chant. 

\--- 

"Come on, Curly... you gotta eat something" Varric said, putting a hand on Cullen's shoulder. 

"I have to stay with her..." Cullen rasped. 

"You have to be able to lead" Varric stated firmly "Besides, she's not gonna be happy to see you in this state when she wakes up. Come on. Let me stay with her now for a while" 

Cullen turned his tired eyes towards his friend. 

"You'll stay here?" he asked. 

"Of course, I will" Varric answered, shocked at the sight of Cullen's face. Varric was sure that the Commander never looked as bad as he did at that moment. Dark circles around his swollen, red eyes were more visible than ever and he was beginning to shake. He seemed as if he was absent, as if he didn't know where he was. "You should get some sleep" Varric said worryingly "Do you need help with getting to your chamber?" 

"What? No..." Cullen stood up and faltered a bit. "I'll be fine, I'll just... go and sleep for a moment. I'll be back in a minute" he mumbled and turned to leave the infirmary. When he closed the door, Varric looked around the room. 

"Did he stay here all night?" Varric asked the soldiers, who by the way, also looked tired. 

"Yes, Master Tethras" one of them answered quickly, holding back a yawn. 

"I assume he didn't sleep... as well as you, guys, aren't you tired? You are of no use to the Inquisitor in this state, go, I'll watch her" 

"But, sir, we're just waiting for a shift change. The morning shift should be here any minute, they are just running a bit late" the other soldier explained. 

"Don't worry, I won't tell your Commander" the dwarf told them calmly "Go and get the morning shift guys and then get some sleep. I'll keep an eye on the situation" 

The soldiers looked at each other, unsure of how they were supposed to behave but finally they gave a silent nod and left the room, thanking Varric as they closed the door. 

Varric let out a heavy sigh and brought himself a small stool, standing in the corner. He glanced at the healer, sleeping peacefully on the other side.

"I don't get it, why wouldn't he sit? The man just wants to be a martyr, that's what it is..." he mumbled and looked at Zoe. 

Varric was worried and it was getting more and more difficult to hide it. The situation was grave. Whole Inquisition could just fall apart if they lose both the Inquisitor and the Commander. And he knew they would lose the Commander if Zoe was to die. Sparkles was right, Curly wouldn't survive Zoe's death. 

"Oh, Princess..." he sighed again "You can just wake up already. You see what you're doing to your friends, right? We're all worried sick and have you seen Curly? He's practically a dead man! You're torturing the poor lad!" Varric suddenly found it uneasy to stop speaking. It was unusual of his friend to keep this quiet, especially when he complained about her beloved commander being all gloomy and overworked. Oh, how she used to defend him... 

"You know, Princess?" he continued "You actually never asked me about your nickname. Everybody did, but you didn't. I wonder why is that... But you know what? It's because of your hair. They are so long and golden, and wavy, and all princessy-like... I guess you just look like one. And you know, I actually think that it might have something to do with the way Curly treats you. Like you were some kind of a 'Your Highness' person... well, your Inquisitorialness anyway. But you get what I mean? He treats you as if you were the most precious person in the whole world... his princess. You'd make a great couple for my stories, the Seeker would enjoy reading them, that's for sure." 

At this point, Zoe would probably just burst out laughing, elbowing her dwarven friend playfully. Varric just felt worse when she didn't move, didn't even flinch at his words. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. He wasn't really an emotional person but it was just Zoe's influence. She brought up the best in every person she met on her way. 

"Just... wake up, all right?" Varric added and then, he heard the door opening. He let her hand and saw the soldiers walking in. 

"Morning shift?" he asked. 

"Yes, sir" the soldier confirmed as he stood beside the Inquisitor's bed. 

\--- 

"Varric?" he felt a strong grip on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of surprise. It wasn't easy to scare him so he was a bit embarrassed to let his mind drift in his thoughts so much. He felt even more embarrassed when he saw it was The Iron Bull. If this giant was able to sneak up on him... 

"What is it, Tiny?" he asked, trying not to sound irritated. 

"I was just getting ready to leave. You know, with Chargers. And I wanted to see Boss before I go. Just to say hello and so on" Bull said, looking at Zoe with worry in his voice. 

She was a kind and good person. She didn't let him kill the Chargers, who were like his family and she didn't care if he was a Tal-Vashoth now. Boss always accepted him, no matter what. So now, he was going to find a solution, he was going to save his friend. No matter what. 

"Well... I'll leave you if you'd like" Varric offered, standing up from the stool. He noticed the soldiers changed. Was that the afternoon shift? How long did he spend by her bed? 

"Nah, that's good, I'm good" Bull said quickly, turning around and reaching the door "It's not like I'm saying goodbye forever. Next time I see her, she'll be all good" he added and left the room, feeling his chest clench. He didn't like this feeling, this horrible anxiousness and uncertainty. He just needed to focus on his task and everything would eventually turn out just fine. It always did. 

\--- 

This time he didn't let himself be surprised. He heard the floorboard creak and turned around to see Cassandra marching towards him. 

"Varric" she nodded and turned her eyes to the Inquisitor. 

"Seeker" Varric nodded back and waited. Cassandra wasn't the one he'd like to upset. Well, not again anyway. 

"I ordered some interrogation today. We'll see if we can find something out" she said firmly as ever. 

"Oh" Varric choked "I'm sorry, Seeker. I was supposed to help you but I..." 

"It's all right" she said surprisingly calmly. Varric half-expected a punch in the face for such an insubordination but then, he noticed her facial expression. It was different than the usual grimace of seriousness. "You've been sitting by her side for the whole day" she said "Go and rest. I'll sit with her for now" 

"Whole day? Maker's breath..." he choked and suddenly he felt really hungry. He stood up and looked at Cassandra "Where's Curly?" he asked "I only saw him in the morning and he said he'd be there in a minute... Have you seen him?"  


"Yes. I urged him to get some rest but he refused to walk into their chamber. He's sleeping in my room now" she answered and took Varric's place. 

Varric just sighed heavily. Of course he wouldn't want to go into their chamber... 

"Well, thank you Seeker. I'll just go grab some food and then I'll get to work" 

Cassandra didn't say anything as he left and she fixed her gaze on Zoe. Cassandra remembered very well her first impression on the woman. She seemed strong and capable, but she had this strange light in her, as if she was truly chosen by the Maker. After some time, of course, they found out she wasn't really saved by Andraste but Cassandra was sure it was the Maker's will that Zoe appeared on their path when she did. 

Suddenly, Cassandra realized she wasn't alone in the infirmary. She noticed two sentinels, standing not far away from the bed. Surprisingly, there was no healer there, but on the other hand, there was also no other patient and Zoe was watched all the time so in case anything happened, the healers would be informed immediately. 

"Leave" she said in her usual tone that didn't take no for an answer. 

"But... Lady Pentaghast, we have strict orders" one of the men mumbled terrified. 

"You think I can't keep her save?" she asked, carefully eyeing the man. 

"Yes, my Lady, of course!" the other man said and they quickly left their post. 

"I..." she started but suddenly felt rather stupid for talking to an unconscious person. But Zoe was not only the leader of the Inquisition but also her dear friend and Cassandra felt there were things she was supposed to tell her. 

"I guess I never really apologized" she finally said "For the way I treated you at the beginning. I didn't trust you and I might have been... rude" she admitted reluctantly "But, Zoe, you have come through a lot and you are an inspiration to us all. To me. I do believe the Maker has chosen you. I know you hate hearing that but... You are the chosen one. For me, at least. You faced so many dangers and always walked out of them in once piece. You can't give up just now. You just... can't" Cassandra's voice faltered "I can't lose my friend" 

\--- 

"There you are!" she heard Dorian's voice coming from the door. "What did you do to those poor soldiers outside?" he asked but didn't wait for an answer "Well, never mind, I don't think I want to know" 

"What are you doing here?" she snorted. 

"Varric was looking for you" he answered "He asks you to come to his chamber as soon as possible" 

Cassandra stood up immediately and left the room without a word. 

Dorian intended to leave too, for he couldn't stand to watch his dearest friend in such a state. But something told him that he should just sit next to her. Just... in case. 

He held her hand, as many people before him did and stroke her hair. 

"Well, won't you just look at that, your hair is so messy! My dear, how can you let that happen? They are all tangled and..." the words got stuck in his throat and suddenly he felt a terrible ache in his chest. "Oh, don't worry about that" he continued, his voice tight and tears welling up in his eyes "You're beautiful even with your hair being a mess. You're always beautiful and inspiring, and so kind, and... you're my best friend so just wake up already. Now, look what you've done! You know how I hate getting all emotional. Wake up quickly or I'll get wrinkles or white hair! That would be a shame, wouldn't it?" He squeezed her hand tightly "I will do everything in my power to make you feel better" he whispered. 

\--- 

"Shite. Fuck. Fucking Inky getting poisoned" Sera mumbled under her nose "Fucking poison, fucking dagger, fucking elves. Shite" she repeated, while pacing nervously in front of the infirmary. The soldiers who were guarding the door looked at her with curiosity. 

"What you lookin' at pissbags?!" she screamed and turned around. 

_I won't go in there, oh no, I won't. I won't say goodbye, not like that, not ever._

"You're angry" she heard Cole's voice near her and jumped out of fear. 

"Get away from me, weirdo!" she exclaimed with fury and quickly turned to her room. It all was just too much for her. She couldn't stand the thought of Zoe dying and not only because Zoe was her one and only friend, not only because she never laughed at her, never judged her, but also because without her, Sera would lose her place on Earth. So she would do everything she could to keep Inky alive. To keep her home intact. 

\--- 

"Don't worry, Kid" Varric said, approaching Cole quickly "She didn't mean it" 

"She did. She is afraid of me" Cole answered but he didn't seem to be bitter about Sera's reaction. 

"Well, that's just her way of being. Don't take it personally, though" the dwarf reassured him and then send Cole a long stare "Have you been to see the Inquisitor, yet?" he finally asked. 

"Why? She can't hear me" Cole answered a bit surprised. 

"Because, that's what friends do, Kid. Come on" he said and pulled Cole to the infirmary. They approached Zoe's bed. "You can tell her to get better or..." Varric started but stopped suddenly when he saw Cole's expressions change. He looked terrified and put his hands on his ears, trying to block the sounds that came to him. 

"Cold, dark, it hurts, so much hurt. It's like fire and ice at the same time, it's like thousands of knives pinning my body. I want to escape but I can't. I want to scream and sometimes I can, but now I can't, and I want to. Paralyzed, the pain paralyzes..." Cole spat out the words quickly, panic arising in his voice. 

"All right, maybe it wasn't such a good idea" Varric murmured and grabbed Cole's arm to pull him out of the room. He felt shivers going down his spine when he realized what he'd just heard. 

"She's hurting" Cole choked when they were outside "She's hurting so much. I want to help. What can I do to help?" 

The times when Varric felt speechless were rare, but this was definitely one of these times. 

"Why don't you help me look for the spies, huh?" he suddenly said, surprised that no one has thought about it before.

"Will it help her?" Cole asked worryingly. 

"It will if we catch them"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came back to the story! It's unexpected even for me :)  
> Also, I went through every previous chapter and corrected things that I noticed were wrong so now it's more readable :)
> 
> And if you want to, you can find me on tumblr now: http://karogue.tumblr.com/

Cullen was nervously pacing around the room, holding a piece of paper which was now in a miserable state. He tried thinking clearly, gathering all the information he received, slowly putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. 

Bull informed him through a messenger that he and the Chargers had found a place where the Grand Cleric Victoire was hiding together with all her followers. Sera also came back with useful information about her whereabouts. It turned out that Victoire had been actively working her way to the Inquisition for quite some time and that is why she managed to plant spies and an assassin in Skyhold. 

Cullen felt his fists clenching again at the thought of his own recklessness. He could have predicted it, should have done something to ensure Skyhold was a safe place. How could he have missed it? 

After sleeping in Cassandra’s room, he went straight to his office and now he nervously waited for Leliana to show up. If it depended only on him, he would strike Victoire immediately but he needed to know Leliana’s opinion as she was also involved in the whole situation. 

However, no matter how hard he tried concentrating on his task, he couldn’t stop thinking about Zoe. She was hurting all the time and nobody seemed to be able to find an antidote. The image of her strange wound constantly haunted his mind. Red veins pulsing violently on her body, spreading quickly as if they were supposed swallow her whole. If only there was a way to stop it… 

The elven woman still hasn’t said anything although the soldiers tortured her as Cullen ordered. She didn’t seem the type to break easily but as much as he wanted to stop the cruel torture, he couldn’t convince himself to give up. If the woman had any information, anything that could save Zoe’s life, he needed to know it. No matter the consequences. 

There was a knock on the door and Cullen turned his gaze on the person who entered, hoping to hear the news for which he had been waiting. 

“Commander” Dorian started speaking, tiredness easily audible in his voice. “I’m afraid I don’t have good news…” he said and Cullen had to bring all his strength not to collapse on the ground. “No one seems to know anything about the poison. Did you find out anything?” Dorian asked hopefully but he didn’t need to hear the answer when he saw Cullen’s face. 

Cullen sat by his desk and buried his face in his hands. Bull didn’t bring any news on a possible antidote, Sera’s friends were also clueless, and now Dorian and his Tevinter contacts failed, too. Desperately trying to think of any other ways to find a cure for Zoe, Cullen didn’t even notice when Dorian approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“We’ll find something soon, you’ll see” the mage said silently. “She’ll recover.” 

Cullen had enough. Enough of the lies which he were constantly repeated, enough of their pitiful glances when they thought he didn’t see, enough of his grief and sadness… most of all, he had enough of his own helplessness. 

“She won’t” he croaked, unable to look at the mage. 

“Don’t say that” Dorian attempted to calm his friend down. “You have to have faith.” 

“No!” Cullen yelled, pushing his friend’s hand off his shoulder. He could no longer hold back, no longer bottle up his fury. “You don’t understand! She won’t recover! She’s not going to wake up because I didn’t find the cure!” he kept shouting louder and louder, finally allowing himself to get rid of all his bitter thoughts “It’s my fault! And now, she’ll die because of me! Because I couldn’t keep her safe, couldn’t protect her… I couldn’t…” 

Then, his voice cracked and he felt tears falling down his cheeks. He started sobbing loudly, not caring if Dorian could witness his moment of weakness. It didn’t matter, Zoe wasn’t there and he would never see her again. He would never tell her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how she was the only thing keeping him alive. 

At first, Dorian didn’t know what to do. Cullen was a soldier and Dorian simply didn’t expect such a violent outburst of emotions. Then, he simply put his hand on Cullen’s shoulder one more time and squeezed it firmly. It was the only thing that seemed appropriate at that time and they both grieved for Zoe, shedding the tears that could no longer be stopped. 

\--- 

“He knows something” Cole spoke, staring at the man working with the horses.

“You sure?” Varric asked, wanting to be positively sure before arresting anyone else. 

“Shame. I shouldn’t have brought her in, but I had. The Inquisitor is going to die because of me. But she’s a good person, why would they kill a good person like her?” Cole said, repeating the man’s words and Varric sighed heavily. 

“All right…” the dwarf said and quickly nodded towards the soldiers, signaling them to arrest yet another spy. 

They had caught two already, a man and a woman, and Varric seriously hoped that would be the last one because if not, it would mean that Skyhold was more infested than they’d thought. 

\--- 

Cassandra observed carefully as the healer was changing Zoe’s bandages. She couldn’t help but gasp with horror and turn her eyes away when she saw the wound, still growing on Zoe’s body. The veins originating from it seemed to be thicker and they definitely were covering a larger part of her body than last time Cassandra saw it, now almost reaching her breasts. The Seeker couldn’t stop her thoughts, which were shouting in her head that the wound was extremely nasty and it was very unlikely that the Inquisitor would get out of it alive. 

After the healer pulled the blanket over Zoe’s body, Cassandra came back to her vigil. She was sitting by Zoe the whole morning, asking Varric to take care of the spy hunting. Anyway, he and Cole were much better at finding people who were responsible for Zoe’s present state so Cassandra didn’t feel very guilty to leave them alone with their task. 

Cassandra was never the one to sit still and wait patiently. She had to keep busy in order not to go mad but at that moment, all she could think about was keeping Zoe company, because even though she was unconscious, she still was in pain. So Cassandra sat there, cooling her forehead with a wet towel, adjusting the pillows and sometimes talking to her. She was no longer embarrassed in front of the soldiers who were guarding Zoe’s body. Time was passing inexorably and Cassandra knew the chances for the Inquisitor’s survival were smaller with every minute.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still unsure of whether I should make this story the ultimate angst or if it's better to stick to happy endings... any suggestions? :D

Cullen was standing in the corner of the room, gazing through the window absent-mindedly, waiting for Leliana to finish reading every piece of information he had managed to gather. He set his jaw thinking about the woman, this Grand Cleric who ruined his peace. Cullen had thought that his house had solid, stone walls ready to endure anything but it turned out that it was a house made of cards. Fragile and vulnerable, it fell apart with the first forceful blow. Unable to protect the only person in the world who could keep his world intact, he felt beaten and broken. There was only one thing left for him to do. 

"So..." he finally said, turning to Leliana. "What do you think?" 

She turned her eyes to him and it was the first time that Cullen could see how much fury and hatred one person could hold. Her fists were clenched and she winced with contempt. 

"I think you should strike" she stated, her voice steady and firm. "Victoire is a danger to the peace we've created. I wish I could have done it sooner but..." Leliana hesitated for a moment as if she was looking for right words in her mind. "That is of no importance now. The Inquisition should deal with her." 

"I see" Cullen responded, still having his eyes fixed on their ex-Spymaster, as he knew she wasn't going to approve of the things he was about to say. "I will give the orders straight away. We will move today in the evening, Bull and his Chargers are already waiting for us, I'll inform them about the situation" he said and before he continued, he took a deep breath. "I will lead the attack personally" he finished and silently waited for Leliana's response. 

"What?" she said, dismayed and shocked. "Are you certain you want to do that, Commander? What about the Inquisitor? She'll need you to be _here_ when she wakes up, not somewhere far away, risking your life in..." 

"She won't wake up" he interrupted harshly and turned his back to Leliana, unable to look at her face when he spoke the words of which he was so ashamed. 

"Cullen, she's still fighting" Leliana continued, approaching him slowly "We're still searching for an antidote and we _will_ find it. You can't give up on her yet." 

"No, you don't understand" he retorted. "We've tried everything. There's nothing we can do and Zoe..." his hands were shaking as he pinched his nose in an attempt to calm down his nerves. "The Inquisitor will not survive this" he finally finished the sentence in a hoarse and trembling voice. "We have to avenge her, I have to..." Cullen felt that if he said one more word, he would just break apart so he steeled himself and lifted his head. "We will march today and make sure our enemies know the bitter taste of defeat. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have preparations to make" he stated and left the room. 

When he was alone, he allowed himself to shed one last tear before setting up to prepare for the battle. The battle he believed was supposed to be the last in his entire life. 

\--- 

"Heard the news? We're moving today" the soldier said to his companion who was sitting on a bench, looking at the Sun slowly changing its position on the sky. 

"Yeah, I heard" she answered. "Any news on the Inquisitor's state?" she asked hopefully but when the only answer she received was her friend's sad eyes, she knew there was no hope left. 

"Do you think we can survive this?" she then asked, standing up and starting to prepare for marching out. 

"What do you mean? It's not our first battle, we know how to fight." 

"No, but I meant..." she hesitated, afraid of being laughed at. "This. The Inquisition. Can it survive this?" 

There was no answer, only silence, as nobody could predict if such a powerful institution could survive without its leader. 

\--- 

Cullen entered the infirmary with a heavy heart. Everything was set up, his soldiers were ready to leave at any minute, he was holding his lion-shaped helmet. He came to Zoe to say goodbye. He knew it was going to be hard but there was no other way. He had to see her one last time. 

He knelt by her bed, pulling her hand towards his lips and kissing it forcefully, holding back a sob that wanted to escape his throat. Everything they had been building for such a long time was lost. Not only the Inquisition would fall without her but also its Commander. They had no more future waiting for them patiently, only ruin and despair. 

"I'm sorry" he whispered, his voice trembling, conveying immeasurable emotions he was hiding in his heart. 

He might have been a warrior trained to fight and prepared not only to win but also to fail. He should have been able to deal with this failure, with this smashing defeat but it was too much. He could no longer fight, he could no longer endeavor to persevere. Not without her. 

"I love you" he croaked and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, trying to ignore her pain, trying not to dwell anymore on how he could do nothing to make her feel better. 

Zoe would die, he knew it, felt it deep down. 

So he would avenge her death and kill her murderers. And then, he would join her at the Maker's side. 

\--- 

"How is she?" Leliana asked, entering the room and looking at Cassandra still keeping her vigil by the Inquisitor's bed. 

The Seeker didn't know how to answer this question. Zoe's state was getting worse and worse but saying these words out loud would have made it more real and it would break Cassandra's heart. So she didn't answer, only glancing at Leliana, signaling everything she wanted to say with her miserable expression. 

"I see..." Leliana answered and approached the bed at the other side. "You need to rest, Cassandra" she said. "I'll replace you." 

It seemed as if Cassandra wanted to oppose the idea but feeling her own tiredness, she decided it was probably for the better. She would come back later and Zoe would still live. Zoe had to live, had to survive this. She was the only person able to keep the Inquisition alive and the Inquisition was the only place Cassandra could call home. 

"Cullen shouldn't do that" she finally said."He should be here with her. When she wakes up, she'll need him." 

Leliana turned her eyes towards Zoe, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly. 

"I know" she just said, unable to come up with any better response. 

\--- 

A whole night and a day passed and Leliana knew Cullen and his soldiers were supposed to reach Victoire's hideaway any minute now. She could just hope Cullen wouldn't do anything reckless. 

Varric offered to sit by Zoe's bed for now so she was sitting by a desk, trying to come up with more ideas on how to find an antidote for Zoe's poison. She was sure she had done everything she could but there was still no answer and so Leliana was beginning to feel anxious. It was obvious Zoe didn't have much time left, as the strange wound on her body was spreading quickly. 

Leliana heard the bird's fluttering wings before she could even see it and her heart skipped a beat with hope to finally hear good news. Breaking the seal and opening the letter she almost forgot how to breathe. 

_  
Most Holy,_

_I believe I have found an answer to your question. There is an antidote for such a poison; however, it's almost not used anymore today, as well as the poison itself. It is still possible to create both, though..._

Leliana had to stop reading after the first couple of lines in order to gather her thoughts. 

There was still hope. They could save the Inquisitor. 

After reading the whole letter, she was confident in her actions. She knew exactly what to do and she also realized that the first person to be informed about such a fortunate turn of events was Cullen. 

So she scribbled a quick note to the Commander, informing him about the antidote. She approached her birds, chose the fastest one and sent him with the message. 

With all the excitement and joy forming in her heart, she got distracted. 

She didn't notice the bird's sickness. 

She couldn't know the letter would never reach the recipient.


	9. Chapter 9

The soldiers were fighting bravely and soon all the enemy forces were wiped out. Victoire’s followers were mostly civilians with no military experience whatsoever and although the Inquisition soldiers were ready to solve the matter peacefully, they were deaf to all their peace offering. Their fanatic faith in Grand Cleric’s words was far too entrenched in their hearts and so they were dying one by one, confessing their unbreakable faith with their last breaths. 

Cullen fought fiercely. His jaw was set, his eyes focused on every target he took, he swung his sword with certainty and precision. But inside, he felt empty. There was only one thought echoing in his mind. He had to kill Victoire, it was his personal mission and nobody else could do it. He had to avenge Zoe. 

Victoire was hiding in the deepest dungeons of the Keep, shivering with fear and cold, cowering in the corner of a cell in which she locked herself up, probably hoping no one would find her. 

When Cullen approached the bars, he could no longer hold back his contemptuous snarl. He wanted to rip the woman apart, squeeze her throat and see life escaping her pitiful body. He wanted to look into those eyes and see suffering in them, the same suffering Zoe was going through now. 

“Open the cell” Cullen snapped towards his soldiers and waited patiently until they brought the woman to him. 

Victoire was weak and shivering violently. She couldn’t choke a word through her clenched throat and she just stood in front of the Commander, her knees trembling and her head lowered. 

Cullen was almost ready to strike the blow but he hesitated. 

“Why did you do this?” he asked silently, approaching the woman and observing her closely. 

She looked at him but there was nothing in her eyes but horror and Cullen knew at that moment that he wouldn’t get any answer. 

“Do you regret what you’ve done?” he asked again, in an attempt to give the woman a chance to express her remorse before Cullen would send her to the Maker. But she still kept silent, her eyes fixed on the oppressor. She wasn’t even praying and Cullen found it peculiar. The Grand Cleric, a person who was supposed to be pious and devoted entirely to the Maker’s will, wasn’t asking her god for mercy, even minutes before her death. 

Cullen’s fists clenched tightly and he took a step back. Anger made his blood boil and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to cease the shivers going down his spine. He unsheathed his sword slowly. 

Holding it firmly, he turned his eyes towards the Grand Cleric one more time, thinking about how he used to serve people like her. People who eventually would do anything to keep their power, who would get rid of their enemies no matter the cost. People so corrupted with their desires, they were ready to go to any extreme to achieve their sick and twisted goals. They were the ones who put a leash on him and on many other Templars. They made him start taking lyrium. 

What is more, this was the woman responsible for Zoe’s pain. She was the one to order the Inquisitor’s assassination, she ruined their peace, ruined their happiness and love. Zoe was dying, perhaps she was even already dead because of this woman. She took away life from the woman he loved more than his own life, the woman who was beautiful and kind beyond words. 

Fury poured over his mind, blinding his common sense, making him unable to think clearly. Roaring loudly he swung his sword and cut off the woman’s head with one, clean strike. 

Her body fell down limp on the floor and Cullen could see the soldiers’ terrified faces as they watched the head roll over to the cell, the woman’s blank eyes staring at them with wordless accusations. 

Cullen was breathing deeply, trying to come back to his senses. 

“C-commander?” one of the soldiers finally spoke up when Cullen didn’t move for a couple of minutes. 

He couldn’t hear them as he slowly understood that was it. His fate was fulfilled, he managed to deal with his last task and now he felt… empty. Even the woman's death wasn't going to bring Zoe back. Zoe was still gone and he was incomplete. 

\--- 

“So, how are the prisoners?” Varric asked the guards who were standing in front of the dungeons. Cassandra was now keeping vigil by Zoe’s bed and they had already caught every spy hiding in Skyhold so Varric had nothing left to do. He found it extremely infuriating so he was wandering around Skyhold trying to find something that would take his mind away from all the gloomy thoughts.   
The soldiers looked at each other with hesitation before one of them finally spoke. 

“Master Tethras, the elven woman” he started, his voice tense. “She died last night.” 

“The assassin?” Varric repeated, unable to believe their words straight away. 

“Yes” the guard confirmed and suddenly Varric felt even worse than he had before. 

This definitely wasn't good news. 

\--- 

“So, you're saying this will work?” Dorian asked one more time, reading the list of ingredients again. He knew Leliana wasn't the one to make mistakes but it just seemed so impossible. They looked for any piece of information all over Thedas and there was nothing. How could she have found that? 

“Yes, but you have to hurry” Leliana said patiently. “We don't have much time, the antidote needs to be given to the Inquisitor as quickly as possible.” 

The recipe wasn't complicated. It required some skills but fortunately Dorian was perfectly capable of crafting the potion. However, he didn't want to truly believe it would work as it was too painful to allow himself to hope and then have it crushed with a painful disappointment. He'd already grieved for Zoe with Cullen. To think she could still be saved... 

“All right” he choked out silently. “Let's try it.” 

“It's going to work, I know it” Leliana responded firmly. “How long is it going to take you?” 

“Well, I guess...” he started, trying to quickly estimate the time he would need to sacrifice for every step of the recipe. “If I start immediately, it should be ready tomorrow.” 

“Then start now, please” she urged him. “We have no time to lose, we need to make sure she...” 

Her words were drowned by a loud bang and when she turned around, she noticed one of the Inquisition's soldiers standing by the door, panting loudly, his face terrified. 

“Most Holy” he said, trying to catch his breath and Leliana knew it wasn't going to be good. “It's the Inquisitor...” the soldier stumbled upon his own words. 

“Well, say it already, we don't have the whole day to just stand around and look pretty!” Dorian shouted with concern. 

“She's... she's having another attack.”


	10. Chapter 10

Her bloodcurdling screams could be heard from the yard. Skyhold's residents were slowly gathering in front of the infirmary's door. Some of them were kneeling and praying to the Maker for the Inquisitor's life, others were simply staring at the door with pure horror. It seemed as if life in Skyhold stood still and everybody was waiting for any news. 

Zoe screamed like she never screamed before. Cassandra could swear it was the first time in her life that she heard so much pain in one person's voice. It made the Seeker's heart clench painfully as she realized that there was not much they could do anymore. 

Zoe was thrashing violently on the bed and it took four healers to keep her steady. All of them had fear painted all over their sweaty faces, all of them felt helpless as keeping the Inquisitor still was the only thing they could do at that moment. Cassandra was standing nearby, watching the scene in horror, waiting for Leliana's arrival. She'd sent one of the soldiers to inform her friend about the situation but she didn't know exactly why she did that. Leliana couldn't help Zoe, it was too late for that. She was watching the Inquisitor's death and it terrified her more than she was willing to admit. 

“The wound!” one of the healers suddenly shouted, uncovering Zoe's body. 

Cassandra hissed and held her breath. 

“Maker, it's spreading!” the other healer shouted but her words were drowned by Zoe's shriek. 

The red, thick veins which were initially barely visible and small, now were covering Zoe's body, reaching to her breasts and her legs. The wound was swallowing her slowly and painfully, and Cassandra knew it was a matter of minutes, maybe hours before Zoe would be dead. Suddenly, they all felt a terrible smell filling up the whole room. The smell of burning flesh. 

“Maker...” Cassandra whispered when she realized the smell was coming from Zoe. The veins were burning her insides, causing her immense pain. 

“What is going on?!” Leliana's voice reached the Seeker's ears but she was unable to say anything. She only pointed her finger at Zoe. 

At first, Leliana was stunned but she quickly snapped out of it. 

“We need to keep her alive for as long as possible!” she ordered. “The cure will be ready shortly, we can’t let her die now!” 

“You’ve got an antidote?” Cassandra asked hardly believing what she’d heard. 

“Yes” Leliana answered, approaching Zoe’s bed and helping the healers. “Dorian’s preparing it now. This is our last chance. We have to do everything in our power to keep the Inquisitor alive.” 

Cassandra simply nodded in agreement and quickly approached her friend, feeling new hope being born in her heart. 

\--- 

After Zoe fell limp on her bed, the vigil began. Zoe’s inner circle was taking turns in staying by her side, making sure she was always observed. The Sun hid behind the horizon and night fell upon them but they still kept their vigil. It was more and more difficult to leave or enter the infirmary as the crowd in the yard was growing larger with every minute. There were terrified whispers easily audible in the crowd, pleading the Maker for mercy on their leader. Cassandra wanted to force them to disperse but Leliana convinced her that it helped the people to deal with their fear. 

Zoe was dying. Her breath was shallow and slower with every passing second. She didn’t move, didn’t wince, didn’t give any sound at all. Her pale face looked calm and it filled her friends’ hearts with fear. 

Leliana was worried because she still didn’t receive any word from Cullen. He should have reported back at least with some news on the battle but there was nothing. No raven, no letters, no messengers. Leliana could only hope and pray everything was all right. 

Morning came fast for everyone and although they spent all the time without sleeping or eating, they didn’t feel exhaustion. The thought of Zoe’s well-being was the only thing on which they could focus. 

It was Varric’s turn at Zoe’s side when she stopped breathing. He didn’t want to believe his own eyes at first but then he quickly stood up and started screaming. 

“Healers! Where are the healers?!” 

Panic reached his mind when he realized what was really happening and when the healers ran into the room, pushed him aside and started working their magic on Zoe’s body, he allowed one, single tear run down his cheek. 

“We’ve got it!” Varric heard Dorian’s voice coming from the door. “We’ve got an antidote, she’ll live, she…” the mage stopped suddenly when he noticed the commotion over Zoe’s bed. He turned his eyes to Varric and his heart shattered when he noticed his dwarven friend crying. 

He was too late. It was too late to save her, if only he came earlier, if only he tried better… 

Dorian clenched his fists. 

“No” he said steadily. “We are NOT giving up now.” 

\---   
Cullen was moving his legs automatically. His eyes were empty and emotionless. He didn’t know how it was possible he was still breathing but there he was, riding his horse, leading his victorious army back to Skyhold. 

After killing the Grand Cleric, he decided it was the only thing he could do. He was their Commander, they all trusted him and he didn’t want to disappoint them. Not now, not when the victory was fresh in their minds and they were all excited because of their success. 

It didn’t feel like success for Cullen though. He was coming back to Skyhold, the place he used to call his home but now it wasn’t his home. Not anymore, not without Zoe. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see her again. The sight of her unconscious and fragile body was more than he could take. To look at her and know she would never open her eyes again, she would never smile at him or kiss him… He couldn’t bear it. He endured terrible things in his life but Zoe’s death was simply too much. 

He deeply regretted not telling her how much he loved her. When he held her in his arms, the damned dagger sticking out of her belly, she confessed her love but he didn’t. Instead of ensuring her about his feelings, he mumbled something incoherent and now he cursed himself for doing that. 

Did Zoe know how much he loved her? Cullen was wondering how foolish it was to spend their days without thinking much about what happens if tomorrow never comes. He blamed himself for not trying enough to make Zoe know how much he cherished every minute spent with her. He blamed himself for every argument they had ever had, for his stubbornness that caused silence between them. Cullen would give anything to bring Zoe back, he would never again waste time on stupid and senseless fights. Instead, he would make sure she was happy because now, with doubt growing in his heart, he started wondering if Zoe was ever happy with him. 

His heart clenched painfully when he realized that now he’d never get to know. Zoe was gone and there was nothing that would bring her back to him.


	11. Chapter 11

„Come on, you can do it...” Dorian mumbled incoherently, adding some of his healing magic. „Don't leave us, not now...” 

They were trying to bring the Inquisitor back, help her breathe again, and all of them knew they were not going to give up easily. Putting all their efforts into their magic, they focused only on her well-being. Varric was standing in the same place, staring intensely at Zoe's face, holding a small vial with the antidote. 

“Please, Maker... Just this once” Varric whispered desperately, knowing that it was highly improbable for the Maker to hear his prayers but it was all he was left with. There was nothing else he could do, just wait and pray like people who gathered in the yard. 

Dorian was determined to bring Zoe back. He didn't want to let her go, not like this, not when they had the antidote ready. He might have grieved with Cullen earlier but that was before he knew there was a chance to save her. Now, he was not going to stop until Zoe was alive again. 

“Come on, Zoe...” he whispered, feeling droplets of sweat going down his forehead. “You're strong, come back to us. We need you.” 

He remembered the moment till his last dying breath and never again did he feel such deep relief. Zoe's chest suddenly rose and fell when she caught her breath again and for Dorian it was the most beautiful moment in his entire life. Seeing his best friend, his sister, breathing again was incomparable to anything else. 

But there was no time to dwell on that, he had to act quickly. 

“Varric!” he shouted, turning to his friend. “Give it to me, now!” 

The dwarf snapped out of his shock at once and handed over the vial, his hands shaking with all the emotions he'd experienced so suddenly. 

“Will it work?” he asked, looking at Dorian who was now pulling Zoe's head slightly up, trying to pour the liquid into her mouth. 

“It has to” he just said and signaled one of the healers to help him. 

They watched as the vial slowly became empty, the liquid disappearing completely. Their hearts filled with hope as silence fell in the room, disturbed only by muffled sounds of the crowd outside, still praying for the Inquisitor's health. Their eyes focused on Zoe's face, looking for any signs of improvement, their fists clenched with the unbearable waiting, anxiousness gnawed at their hearts. 

“Look at the wound!” one of the healers exclaimed, breaking the silence abruptly.   
The veins which were slowly killing her, started disappearing. Red color evaporated, leaving only scars. After several seconds, her body was free. Cleansed. 

There were tears welling up in their eyes or falling down their faces when they noticed Zoe wincing and slowly opening her eyes. 

“C-Cullen?” she mumbled, her voice hoarse and silent. 

Varric and Dorian looked at each other, relieve and unspeakable joy painted all over their faces. 

She lived. They saved her. 

“Shh...” Dorian stroked her hair and smiled. “Don't worry, he'll be here soon. You should rest.” 

He didn't know whether or not it was a lie. He had no idea where Cullen might be or if he was all right. But what mattered was Zoe's well-being. Dorian could do nothing for the Commander but he could make sure his beloved woman was all well and alive when he comes back to Skyhold. 

\--- 

Cullen and his soldiers reached Skyhold when the Sun was rising, announcing the beginning of yet another day. The soldiers were thrilled to be back, all of them waited impatiently go back into the barracks and rest. They were still worried for the Inquisitor but with their victory still fresh in their hearts, they couldn't pretend they weren't happy to come back as winners. 

Cullen was numb. He noticed he could no longer feel anything. No pain, no fear, no exhaustion. Nothing. He was empty. 

He came through the gates, gave out his orders and turned to his office but all of it no longer made sense for him. What was the point of living, breathing, what was the point of making an effort if Zoe was no longer there? 

He was wondering for a very short moment if he should go and see her but he couldn't force himself to do it. It wouldn't change anything. 

“Commander!” he heard familiar voice behind him but he didn't wish to speak with anyone so he just continued moving forward. 

“Cullen!” Cassandra ran to him in a few, swift moves and grabbed his arm, making him stop. 

He looked at her but he wasn't strong enough to say anything. 

“She's alive” Cassandra blurted out, unable to hold back any longer. Her eyes were shining with hope Cullen never saw before. 

“What?” he asked, trying to process the words slowly. 

“Zoe lives! We found an antidote, she's well!” she repeated with excitement. 

His world started swirling around when the words fully reached his mind. Zoe lived. Was that possible? He got so used to thinking she passed away... 

“Are you... sure?” he repeated his question again, disbelief still audible in his voice. 

“Of course I am!” Cassandra snapped, almost irritated at the man's behavior. “She asked to see you as soon as...” she started but Cullen was no longer listening. 

He turned towards the infirmary with his heart beating loud in his chest. His steps were getting quicker and quicker, finally he was running fast, repeating Cassandra's words silently. 

“She lives...” he was whispering all the time as he felt the urge to see it for himself. He wasn't going to believe it until he could see her eyes smiling at him. He wasn't going to allow himself this hope only to see it destroyed. 

So when he opened the infirmary's door and saw Zoe sitting on the bed, being fed by Dorian, smiling at her mage friend brightly, Cullen could barely stand on his legs. 

“Cullen!” Zoe exclaimed with a mixture of relief and surprise in her voice. 

“Zoe...” he whispered and ran to her, wasting no more time. 

He embraced her tightly, burying his face in her neck, breathing in her scent and intertwining his fingers in her hair. 

“You're alive...” he sobbed, feeling all his emotions coming back to him, hitting him forcefully. “I love you” he said, tears falling down his cheeks and on her clothes. “I love you, I love you...” 

\---

Two days later, Skyhold seemed exactly like it was supposed to be. Calm and peaceful, people no longer scared but joyous, thanking the Maker for their beloved leader's life. 

Cullen dealt with all the spies Cassandra, Varric and Cole caught and his anger was unstoppable and cruel. He didn't know he was going to suffer from terrible guilt several years later. At that moment, all that mattered for him was punishing the people who made Zoe suffer. When they were finally gone, Cullen could swear he felt lighter in his heart but the illusion didn't last long. For now, however, he didn't want to deal with the things he'd done trying to save Zoe. For now, he wanted to make sure she was all well and make sure she knew how much he loved her. 

\--- 

Zoe was standing in front of the mirror in their room, observing her body carefully and tracing the scars which were now covering almost all of her body. She sighed heavily, trying to remember what her body looked like when it wasn't uglified with all the scars. 

It looked horrible, worse than ever. The scars spread on her belly, reaching even to her breasts and Zoe couldn't help but think that this was finally the moment in which Cullen wouldn't be able to tell her she was beautiful. How could he? With _this_ thing on her body... 

She heard the door opening and let down her shirt to cover the scars but she wasn't fast enough. Cullen saw what she was doing. 

Without a word, he approached her and hugged her from behind, marveling at how wonderful it felt to be able to hold her in his arms again. It's been two weeks since the tragic events and he was determined to fulfill his promise. He would spend the rest of his days making sure Zoe was the happiest woman in the world. 

“You are beautiful” he whispered in her ear and kissed her neck. 

Zoe lowered her eyes, unable to look at her reflection anymore but Cullen didn't let it go unnoticed. From now on, he would never let such things go unnoticed. 

“What is it?” he asked with worry. 

“Nothing...” she mumbled, trying to break free from his hug but his embrace was strong and he didn't plan to let her go. Never again. 

“Tell me, please” 

She sighed again. 

“It's just that...” Zoe hesitated. “With all the scars, I...” 

Cullen didn't allow her to finish the sentence, planting a forceful kiss on her lips. He devoured her, indulging in her taste. Pulling her up, he took her to their bed, never breaking the kiss. His hands were stroking her body, touching everywhere as if he was starving for her skin. 

Finally, he stopped the kiss and cupped her face, looking straight into her eyes. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met” he said and when she lowered her eyes again, he made sure she turned his gaze back at him. “Never doubt that. I love you” 

With these words, he slowly started unbuttoning her shirt, already feeling his own arousal. Zoe shivered when he took her clothes off and looked at her scars. 

“They're hideous, I know...” she spoke silently after a long moment of silence. 

Cullen didn't respond immediately. First, he trailed every scar her body held with his finger, planting soft kisses along the way. 

“You are beautiful” he repeated, squeezing her breasts, licking her nipples causing Zoe to close her eyes and moan with pleasure. “I am going to spend the rest of my life” Cullen continued, kissing her belly again, then going lower, licking the delicate skin on her thighs. “making sure you know how beautiful you are.” he finished and then he gently licked her clit, making her whimper at the sensation. 

It didn't take him long to make her slit soaking wet, to make her moan his name loudly as he held her, his tongue buried deep inside her core. 

“Oh... Cullen, please...” she mumbled, grabbing his hair and pulling him up. 

As she started working on the laces of his trousers, he kissed her neck, biting her gently, giving her all the pleasure she deserved. And when his throbbing member finally touched her fingers, he couldn't help but let out a silent moan himself. 

“I want you, Cullen” she whispered. 

He entered her slowly, giving her the right amount of time to adjust to him, relishing in the sight of her pleasure, of her eyes opened wide with lingering lust, of her teeth biting her lower lip, of her hands clawing at his chest. He entered her fully and could no longer hold back. He started thrusting in her with madness, with desire eating him alive, their voices melting into one, a symphony of pleasure and craving. 

“I love you” he whispered. 

“I love you” she said, cupping his face and looking in his eyes. 

They came together, never breaking their eye contact, feeling fulfilled, feeling whole, feeling as if they were exactly were they belonged. 

Feeling home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the ending but as you can see, it states that there is still one more chapter in the story and that's true. It's a surprise :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternative way of ending the story, you wanted a happy ending while my heart was shouting "ANGST!" :D 
> 
> As always, thank you all for your kind words! You guys are the best! <3

The dim light falling upon the tavern's walls was soothing the travellers' hearts. Outside, a huge thunderstorm was ravaging the sky and the rain was hitting the windows with an unexpected force. Inside, it was warm and dry, the smell of freshly baked rolls wafting through the air, making the guests's bellies twist with anticipation. People were constantly walking in, looking for a place to sit and wait for the weather to improve, stopping on their journeys to take a breath. Some of them were travelling far, some of them farther but all of them needed rest. 

Varric also wanted to rest. He'd wanted to rest for a painfully long time now but he'd already stopped hoping for a good night's sleep. He spent each evening drinking just enough to drown out the thoughts which were haunting his mind ever since he left Skyhold. 

He rented a room in the tavern, planning to resume his journey at some point. The problem was that he didn't know where he was supposed to go. His journey didn't have a place of destination. Not anymore. 

“Master Tethras?” he heard a voice calling his name and he almost rolled his eyes with irritation. Varric knew exactly what was going to happen next. It was like that almost every evening. 

“That's him, that's Varric Tethras!” he heard another excited voice and decided to turn around to face the intruders in order to spare them more embarrassement. Two young boys, judging by their clothes – mages, were looking at him expectantly and with undisguised excitement. Varric didn't manage to say anything, though, as one of the boys started speaking again. 

“Master Tethras, can you tell us the story about the Champion of Kirkwall?” he asked with enthusiasm. 

“Boys, you better just go and find some nice spot in...” Varric started, his voice hoarse and tired but they interrupted him immediately. 

“Don't be stupid! We know that story!” the boy shouted, catching the attention of a few travellers who were sitting nearby. “What about the story of the Inquisitor?” 

Varric's heart skipped a beat and his fingers clenched on his mug of ale. 

“Yes!” there was an exclamation coming from the first boyd. “Tell us the story of the Inquisitor! You were there, weren't you?” 

Varric tried avoiding their eyes. Looking around the tavern, he noticed how many eyes suddenly focused on him, expressing curiosity and expectation and he felt a lot worse than he had in days. 

“Come on, Varric” a barmaid spoke up with a smile on her face. “It's a calm day and people are bored. Just one story” 

Varric lowered his eyes, focusing completely on the mug in his hands and he noticed how they started shaking. 

“There's nothing to say” he stated silently, wishing all these people would just go away and leave him alone. 

He couldn't believe both women he ever considered to be his dear friends were dead. Both Hawke and the Inquisitor were now only a memory, nothing more, a memory he wasn't ready to bring out, a memory which was too painful to even think about. 

And yet there he was, surrounded by people who clearly demanded this memory to be dug out and shared. 

“We've read the story of the Champion but there isn't any story about the Inquisitor” the boy continued, looking as if he was a bit disappointed. “Perhaps, she wasn't as great as the rumor says...” 

“Bullshit” Varric retorted quickly, turning his gaze towards his small audience again. “Inquisitor Trevelyan was the bravest and the kindest woman this world has ever seen” 

And so he started telling the story. The story about the woman who wasn't afraid to face her fate, who never complained about all the burden thrown at her shoulders. The woman who always fought for the weaker, whose justice and kindness was unmeasurable. The proud leader, bringing all her followers hope and joy. 

But it was also a story about a friend. About Zoe who was always there for him if he needed to talk, especially after Hawke died. About her friends and how they were the most important people for her, how she was always ready to help and defend them. And about her lover, the Commander, the Lion of Skyhold, and their love which seemed to be able to move mountains and defeat anything that stood in their way. 

“Master Thetras?” he heard a voice and he realized he had been silent for some time now. He looked around their faces, filled with pure curiosity. There was no place for sentiments in their hearts, no feeling of remorse, no guilt clawing at their chests... They didn't know her, they couldn't understand. 

“She didn't survive” he croaked through his clenched throat. “The Inquisitor died when the antidote was ready. We were too late.” 

There was a nervous murmuring in the crowd, mixed with the sounds of a storm outside. 

“So it's true, then, huh?” a man spoke up loudly. “She's really dead? I heard it was just a rumor” 

“I was there” Varric ground out, making sure he controlled his emotions. 

“What about the Commander?” some young girl asked, looking at him expectantly, tears welling up in her eyes. 

Was that what it was for them? The story of great adventure and love? Didn't they understand it was true? It really happened, Zoe wasn't some fictional character Varric could make up just like that. She was real. She was his friend. And Cullen was... 

“Commander Cullen passed away a couple of days later” Varric stated matter-of-factly, trying to hide his emotions. 

He remembered it as if it was yesterday. After Zoe's funeral, they had all gathered in the garden to decide what to do next. Dorian had expressed his worries about Cullen's state but Bull had ensured him that the Commander was a strong and capable man, and he would make it. Varric remembered his confusion when Cole suddenly had put his hands to his ears, and started mumbling some incoherent sentences. He remembered his fear and how it froze his heart when he had finally understood what Cole wanted to say. 

“But what happened to him?” the girl insisted, repeating her question. 

“We found him dead in his room” Varric answered, feeling as if saying that aloud made it even worse, as if it made him relive all the emotions again. Hearing his heart pounding in his chest, he took a huge sip of his drink, the warmth of alcohol burning in his throat. “We don't know how he died” 

Cole's words were still loud in his ears, shouting and digging into his mind. 

_Dead, cold, couldn't save her. Can't live without her. Sorrow and pain mixing together, making my heart feel as if it was to explode. Why did she leave me? Why couldn't I save her?_

“Master Thetras” Varric's thoughts were interrupted again. “What about the others?” 

“Others?” Varric asked bitterly. “Without our leader, the Inquisition fell apart. Everybody went their way. Dorian and Bull went back to Tevinter, saying they should repair the world or some other bullshit. Cole just... disappeared. One moment he was there, the other he was gone. We couldn't find him anywhere. And as far as I know, Lady Montilyet went back to take care of her family. I know nothing about the others.” 

“What about lady Cassandra?” some child asked him silently. 

“And what happened to Skyhold?” 

“Yes, and what happened to Sera?” another voice joined in, making him feel dizzy. 

“Listen” he spoke loudly, standing up. “ _This_ is the story. That is all I know. It's over. Now, if you'll excuse me...” he turned towards his room and closed the door, inhaling and exhaling deeply. 

He knew what he needed to do now. It was a task left for him, and only he was able to do it. 

He had to make Zoe's story immortal. 

Putting out his old quill and dipping it in ink, he regretted only one thing. 

He regretted that not all stories have a happy ending.


End file.
